Today, I took a picture of our screen door with our son’s fingerprints all over it. Then, I selected a puppy to hold on my lap while the rest were sleeping. A few things are coming to an end and I’m a bit sad about it. It’s a tough reminder that things will change and soon be different. Our son is growing up and most of the puppies will soon be moving out..
We are down to one nursing session before bedtime. Somehow, over the past two months, we have managed to eliminate all the other sessions and have replaced them with milk in a sippy cup. This is a major accomplishment since we were nursing whenever he wanted to and that tallied up to approximately ten times every day.
I know that we could transition him from that last nursing session, but I am holding on. I tear up at the thought of the last time I will sing to, nourish, comfort and cuddle my child before he drifts off peacefully to sleep. It’s my favorite part of the day and it’s coming to an end. I’m sure there will be a new moment each day to take it’s place, but I love this time. I want this time. To be honest, I cry about it coming to an end all too often. (granted, part of this could be my hormones)
Here’s a glimpse into what I am blessed with every night…I sit down on the gray rocking chair in his bedroom and hold my son on my lap while cradling his head in my arm. I often use my other hand to place over a portion of his head and think back to when he was in the womb and I would feel his head pushing out on my stomach. My hand still seems to cup around that portion of his head like it did when I was pregnant. I still marvel at the wonder of having a son. He starts to nurse and rarely sits still any more. One hand is often flailing around behind my back. Usually playing with a baby quilt on the back of the chair or picking at my shirt. His legs stretch out and bend back up periodically. Then, his other hand is always reaching for something-any jewelry I am wearing, my hair, pulling on his own shirt or pant leg, reaching for my shirt…and then slowly, while I sing and then hum Amazing Grace to him, his sucking begins to slow down and I know he is getting tired. Sometimes, the process takes 10 minutes or less, sometimes, it takes a half an hour or more. When he seems close to sleep, I will get up from the cushy gray rocking chair and carefully lay him down in his crib. He will immediately flip over to his favorite position-usually face down with his legs tucked underneath him and almost always fall right to sleep. No crying, no fussing…
I don’t want to stop. He doesn’t want to stop-there are still times he asks to nurse during the day and I have to tell him no. It kills me to tell him no. However, we want to try for a sibling and our doctor highly recommends that we stop nursing to help regulate my cycle. Sigh. So, we plan to wean him completely by the end of July. That gives me thirteen more moments of peaceful bliss with our son. The countdown breaks my heart.
I have another countdown, the countdown for the puppies to transition to their permanent homes. The puppies bark/whine a lot and are not fully potty trained so I figured this would be a much easier process. That is, until someone recently came to pick out a puppy. As they debated between the black collar vs. no collar, I found myself thinking “no, don’t pick that one!”. We already have our dog picked out-Purple Collar, aka Aria. Still, when it comes down to it, I don’t want them to leave. It’s going to be awfully quiet when they do.
SO…my focus for this week and from here on out is to focus on what I should be cherishing instead of what I’m losing. I’m going to try and enjoy the small things and stop worrying about the house being messy, the porch being cluttered, the yard not being mowed, etc. I’m going to be grateful for what I do have.
Things will change or end, but it’s not all over. We will have new moments to cherish and new opportunities to enjoy. I am focusing on counting my blessings, once again…