Faith · family · photography

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Remembrance Walk

In 2014, I was pregnant…twice.  The first time, our doctor drew my blood and while mentioning that the numbers were a bit low, confirmed I was pregnant!!!  After struggling for years to conceive, we were on cloud nine.  We were finally parents.

I was officially a mom.

We had no idea that the low number was suspect and likely to end in miscarriage.  Honestly, I’m sure my fertility doctor warned us, but we weren’t hearing that part.  All we focused on was the fact that we were finally pregnant.  Our doctor gave us paperwork for a blood draw in a few days to make sure the numbers continued to rise.  We went to a local clinic for the draw.  It was a Saturday and we were the only patients there.  We were both giddy excited and had no clue what the future had in store.  We left and waited for the call. Then, our world came crashing down.  Our baby was no longer growing.  For some reason, I recall that the number was in the 80’s.  The number hadn’t doubled…it dropped.  I was certain it was a mistake at the clinic.  Clearly, they were inexperienced and read it wrong.  That had to be the case…  Just a minute prior we were pregnant.   How could we have already lost our child?  We didn’t even get to see the baby on the ultrasound or hear/see the heartbeat.  We will never know if it was a boy or a girl.  We were and still are heartbroken over the loss of our first child.  Experiencing the loss of a child is one of the hardest things I’ve gone through and I am grateful that we had God to turn to.  Hearing about the loss that someone else endures still brings me to tears.

Fast forward a few months…we conceived again and ultimately had our first child on earth-our son.

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Tomorrow, he and I will head to Littleton Colorado to honor the sibling he never met and support a nonprofit that provides remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with a free gift of professional portraiture.  Our child’s name will be read as “Baby Larson” and remembered with the release of a balloon.

Please take a moment to read about this organization and what they offer:

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Remembrance Walk

  1. I love how honest you are. You are helping another mom process her loss with your kind and honest words. It will be 11 years on Jan 13 when I lost my third baby.(pregnancy). The pain never goes away nor does it ever lessen… I just have a little more experience in the heartbreak section of life.

    You are an amazing mom to The Prince and I wish we lived closer… I would spoil him rotten!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jenn, I went through miscarriages before each of my live births. It’s never easy and no one could tell us why or even why our youngest came at 7 months. But he will be 30 in April and his sister will be 34. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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