Faith · family

Infertility and Chili

Have you ever wondered what your friend or family member struggling with infertility goes through?  I’m going to try and give you a glimpse into what it’s like from my own perspective.

First, the pregnancy announcements…  

I’m going to be real here.  This IS hard, but we ARE happy for you.  We celebrate the life inside of you with you.  However, we also, pretty much simultaneously, mourn the fact that we aren’t pregnant and may never be (or in my case, may never be again).  To be honest, it’s awful at times to go through hearing “I’m pregnant”.  I hate the feeling knowing that someone who is pregnant feels funny about telling me.  They may not say it, but it’s there.  There is this underlying awkwardness where they are excited, but don’t want to make you feel bad.

Infertility and Chili

At first glance, one might think those two items have zero in common.  To a woman who hasn’t struggled with infertility, they probably don’t.  However, those of us who carry this burden, may have heard that chili is a good dish to consume during the luteal phase.  Don’t know what a luteal phase is?  It’s ok, I didn’t have a clue until we couldn’t get pregnant.  The luteal phase is “…one stage of your menstrual cycle. It occurs after ovulation (when your ovaries release an egg) and before your period starts. During this time, the lining of your uterus normally gets thicker to prepare for a possible pregnancy.”  -WebMD    There is actually a diet plan that coincides with each phase of your cycle and is supposed to help you conceive.  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  But you know what…every month, I look at that diet plan and try to figure out what I should be eating.  Pineapple?  Oh man, that’s one of my favorite foods to eat.  It’s thought that it could help thicken your uterine lining.  Sweet potatoes?  There was a study done about a tribe with a large number of twins.  So, guess who eats a lot of sweet potatoes?  I do!

I also take an extensive number of pregnancy tests and squint each month while praying to see that second line.  I have imagined I had every symptom related to being pregnant just to eventually be let down…month after month…

negative-pregnancy-tests

I also have this crazy ability to know when someone is pregnant before they tell me.  It makes sense though, I think about getting pregnant a lot.  I’m ashamed to admit that it consumes too much of my time.  I try to relax.  Ah yes, the best advice to give a woman struggling with infertility…just relax and it will happen.  Speaking of relaxing, I’ve tried that route too.  I even did some acupuncture.  I spent most of the time on the table thinking about the movie My Life with Michael Keaton.  Side note:  If you haven’t seen this movie, you must!  It’s totally depressing, but also beautiful and inspiring…one of my favorite movies of all time.

I have heard a lot of suggestions on how to get pregnant.  They range from taking a vitamin to using a turkey baster. No, I’m not joking here.  The worst part, the last suggestion was from a friend who was a nurse.  The scary part, I have considered them all.  When your dream is to be a mom and it isn’t happening, you take pretty much anything into consideration.

Prayer Helps

This is our second time going through this.  It took five years to conceive our son.  I know, deep down, that the odds aren’t good.  I just don’t want to give up.  I feel like I have more riding on it this time.  I want our son to have a sibling.  It breaks my heart to think about him growing up without someone to complain about his parents to. 😉

One of the problems with infertility are all the associated emotions.  The constant wondering about what is wrong with me?  (Talk about a self esteem booster)  If you know why you have issues conceiving then it easily leads to a “why me” mentality.  Then, there is the guilt.  I now feel guilty for wanting another child.  I think of the women who have yet to be blessed with one child.  Yet, here I am, praying for a second one.  It never ends…

So, tonight, I will eat some chili and have some pineapple for dessert, I will attempt to lay off the caffeine and I will pray.  I will pray to fall pregnant.  I will then pray that God helps me get back to focusing on all the blessings I do have.  I will get down on the floor with our son and play with him.  I will pray again before bed.  I will thank God for our son and my loving, understanding, and comforting husband…right after I do my yoga pose that is suppose to help the blood rush from my feet to my uterus…

 

 

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Infertility and Chili

  1. Sounds like everything I remember. I would sob on Christmas Eve because Mary was “good enough” to become pregnant and I couldn’t. Mother’s Day was the WORST! Just know someone is thinking of you and hoping this time is your time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Obviously I’m over the moon for my son and thank the good Lord everyday for him. But he didn’t come easy, took us years to conceive and now I feel like we are back in that same boat trying for number two. I fully understand, you are not alone. Sending thoughts and prayers your way :)!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is lovely. I have been on both sides of this fence … being afraid to talk with friends who were struggling to conceive when I was pregnant and struggling/worrying/trying to get pregnant, though with our third, so I felt especially undeserving of any sympathy. Love the humor you’ve woven into this! Keeping it positive, that’s something, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Adds Chili to the list of things to eat during the luteal phase…

    I just found your blog. Thank you for this. It is lovely and so honest. I have just started my own blog, and I am thrilled to have already started to find so many bloggers that I feel connected to. The whole reason I did this was to try to pull myself out of the darkness, and it helps to know I am not alone. Thank you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

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