I’ve mentioned before that we struggled to conceive our son. We had a lot of heartache to get him in our arms, but it was all worth it.
So, why does it still hurt AFTER we had him? I’ll try and explain…
It hurt when I nursed him for the last time. It hurt when we celebrated his first birthday. It actually made me sad when he took his first steps. It hurt because I realized that these firsts for my husband and I as parents may also be the last time. The likely hood of us being blessed with a second child grows more unlikely with each passing month. I’m not getting any younger.
We may never be able to have another first birthday in our immediate family. We may never be able to give our son a sibling. It hurts. Despite how blessed we are, infertility still hurts.
If someone could just sit us down and tell us that there is no way we could conceive another child, that would be different. We could accept the future and move forward. We might even decide that it’s time to pursue adoption. However, at this point, the possibility of conceiving a child is still an option for us. So, each month, we try and we pray. Each month my body disappoints us. It can consume ones life, if you let it.
We recently went through that high of possibly being pregnant again…only to ultimately be let down. It makes you a little more hardened each time. This time, it happened as one of my friends started another round of chemo for stage 4 breast cancer and another friend lost his wife to Leukemia.
So, once again, I’m focusing on the blessings we do have-our beautiful home, my compassionate husband/each other, one amazing toddler, two awesome dogs, an annoyingly whiny but cute cat, and 14 chickens that make our son smile every day. I am grateful to God for the life that we do have and plan to make every moment count.