How to get girlfriends self esteem
Girls today are constantly bombarded with messages about how to look and act. This can leave a lot of girls feeling insecure about who they are. Plus, poor self-esteem can negatively impact your relationship. As her boyfriend, you can help your girlfriend see what you see: that she is a wonderful, worthy person. Try again!SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: The Offspring - Why Don't You Get A Job? (Official Music Video)
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How to Boost your Girlfriend’s Self-Esteem
Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now, and while I consider her to be an amazing person, she has an extremely low opinion of herself, calling herself "worthless" or the likes.
Since middle school, she has been the target of severe bullying. To give a few examples of how severe it was, she's got a few scars on both of her forearms which were inflicted upon her by her bullies.
As well as several burns. There have also been cases of her getting locked up purposefully in a cellar for literal hours. But what seems to have hurt her the most was the verbal abuse she had to deal with for those years. As one might expect, she's been subject to depression, as well as self-harming, and she even attempted suicide once, but with professional help, it seems like it's behind her now.
But in her last year of High School, things got a lot worse for her, and the bullying became much, much worse. Which led to her becoming a shut-in. With the help of a professional we were able to convince her to get out of the house at least once or twice a week though she won't go alone, or for more that or 2 hours.
Due to her hometown being fairly small, we would happen to stumble upon some of her old bullies every now and then. While they would usually not do anything if she is not alone, there have been instances of them trying to start something, so we decided to move out.
Now that we moved out, she is able to get outside much more often than before, and for longer periods, too, so all in all, it's much better than before. Though her situation is much better now than before, she now has an extremely low self-esteem. While we are seeing a professional to help her with that, I would like to be able to help her gain some confidence back.
I did just that with someone I love and that had been through the same kind of troubles and nasty behavior though it was less than that, the mental wounds and scars were as bad When I was younger I went through a really rough time. My self-esteem was in the toilet and I wasn't coping very well. One thing that someone told me helped tremendously:. Esteemable acts are different for different people. Some people climb mountains, some people run marathons, some people make art. What I found that worked for me was doing community service.
Basically I felt worthless, but helping people who had it worse helped me to feel less worthless. Anyone can be a hero to someone, and believe it or not it doesn't always take much. A sandwich and a kind word can turn someone's whole day around. It's a small thing, but it makes a huge difference for the person who needed that sandwich and a bigger difference for someone who needed to feel like life had a purpose. There is great advice in both answers above.
This is a kind of concrete answer to fill in the gaps. This has been said already, but bears repeating: Therapy. Therapists are not all created equally. Get a good one and if there doesn't seem to be a good connection between the therapist and your gf, offer to help her find another.
Self-compassion is different from self esteem. Her low self esteem is reinforced by the negative self-talk that she's incorporated, and it's difficult to argue with those voices. While she's working on the negative messages of her inner dialogue "I'm worthless" , encourage her to think of herself as deserving of compassion.
It's pretty hard to deny that one is worthy of compassion, and easier to tackle than self esteem. Results from [five studies] showed that self-compassion predicted emotional and cognitive reactions to negative events in everyday life, In general, these studies suggest that self-compassion attenuates people's reactions to negative events in ways that are distinct from and, in some cases, more beneficial than self-esteem.
Self-compassion entails three main components: a self-kindness—being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical, b common humanity—perceiving one's experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as separating and isolating, and c mindfulness — holding painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying with them.
Self-compassion is an emotionally positive self-attitude that should protect against the negative consequences of self-judgment, isolation, and rumination such as depression. One way to start practicing self-compassion is to journal. Journaling will reveal some of the negative self-talk that reinforces low self-esteem. When she later reads what she has journaled, she can pick out the negatives and try to evaluate their "validity" as if someone else in her shoes were speaking.
Would she agree with their assessment? If yes, why; if no, why not? Would she have compassion for that person? How would she advise that compassion be manifested? You can't be her therapist, but you can help her to have compassion on herself, not because she is "a good person" she doesn't feel like one , but because she deserves as much compassion as does any other human being trying to live.
Then help her to find a compassionate response when she expresses negativity towards herself. One of the most important aspects of this is that she not judge herself for doing this "wrong" or "badly".
Don't tell her she's wrong to feel the way she feels. Feelings aren't facts; they aren't right or wrong. They just are. Though it is labeled "self-esteem", I would put it in the self-compassion category.
It teaches how to practice mindfulness and gratitude, both important to feeling better about life. You can't fix your girlfriend, but you can encourage her to treat herself with the same kindness with which she treats others. That's incredibly powerful. Self-compassion and reactions to unpleasant self-relevant events: The implications of treating oneself kindly.
First of all, all the steps you've taken so far have been very good - getting her away from a situation where she had no autonomy, and bringing her into one where she does, is a huge step for anyone who lacks self-confidence.
The next big step for you to take with her is this - give her something to be proud of - to find things she can accomplish for herself. It doesn't have to be big - in fact to start off, it should be small things you know she can accomplish.
Reward her for it, whether it's some of her favorite candy or just a kiss on the cheek, let her know she's appreciated, and that her efforts lead to good things. Next, of course, should be getting her something to do outside of your living quarters - helping her look for a job or even volunteer work I highly recommend Habitat for Humanity, but anything local is good helps build confidence by giving her a sense of duty and something to do during the day.
Of course, if she's already employed and helping out around the house, then all you really need to do is remind her of what she is already accomplishing - don't flood her with praise, but let her know that you appreciate what she does and how much she helps you out.
I know there's an urge to try to be there for them all the time, to help build their confidence directly - but from personal experience, the best way for her to build confidence is for her to build a sense of self-worth, and the best way to do that is for her to have something to accomplish for herself.
So, she needs an activity she likes and can be proud to be good at. Can be anything: gardening, programming, any kind of sports or martial arts, playing music, drawing, writing, cooking, being a know-it-all about a topic, home decoration She should choose, you can suggest.
What I'm hinting at is that you shouldn't be proud of her just for existing. You should help her find it in herself to do things that she's proud of, and that you are proud of, so you can find more opportunities for compliments and other little words of positive reinforcement. Sign up to join this community. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top. Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to help my girlfriend get her confidence back?
Asked 2 years, 7 months ago. Active 2 years, 7 months ago. Viewed 10k times. Anne Daunted GoFundMonica I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this is a situation that requires professional help. You as OP already stated that there is a therapist involved, that also gives you advise. What more are you expecting from random internet people?
The advice you will get here most likely won't be professional, and may do more harm than good. Comments deleted. Comments are for comments, not answers. I don't see why this question was voted as off-topic - there's plenty that OP could do to help that goes beyond seeking professional therapy.
Zibbobz: The point isn't that there is plenty he could do. This is about another person's mental health, that OP wants to influence. If OP gets advice that doesn't take the entire condition of his girlfriend into account and only a professional can do that, by carefully monitoring a patient , OP follows up on it and it might end up damaging his girlfriends already fragile mental health condition, we have consequences on our hand that go beyond feeling awkward or embarrassed.
OP is asking for tips that wouldn't go against the professional help they're already having. They've made the 1st important step: professional help. I think he's seeking advice on how not to mess with the psy help.
Nothing can be really wrong just being on her side, showing love and support, don't you think? Active Oldest Votes. The seeds of confidence need a breeding ground. Be the potting soil she needs. As you already have help from a profesional, I would just recommand that you: Tell her you love her.
Show her you love her.
This Is How You Love A Girl With Low Self-Esteem
The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. What can I do? Can I make her feel happy again?
Witty, self-deprecating humor may have attracted to you to your partner, but if that shtick turns out to be a mask for self-esteem, you could have some serious problems. Finding creative ways to help a partner with low self-esteem will improve your relationship in countless ways. According to Dr. Suzanne Philips, a psychologist and writer for the PBS relationship blog for This Emotional Life, low self-esteem is a relationship killer. It makes you doubt yourself and your partner's love.
Dealing With Her Low Self-Esteem
If you love a girl with low self-esteem, know that he smiles shyly in front of other people. She looks away when you stare at her. At times, she is not proud of herself. You have to accept her flaws. She wants to be everything for you, everything you want. She feels like she is not enough. Love her at her best and worst.
How To Help A Partner With Low Self-Esteem In 6 Creative Ways
Girls tend to be a bit more conscious about their looks, body and many other things that concern them. However, due to this, there are times when they start feeling depressed or a bit reluctant to connect with the world. It is the time when they require someone by their side who would appreciate them for all the good things about them. Below mentioned are some of the tips which might be helpful in making your girlfriend feel good about herself. Shower her with gifts or send her some cute little messages explaining how much you love her and how important she is to you.
Empower Your Girlfriends: How To Boost Their Confidence