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Looking for girlfriend > Looking for a wife > My husband refuses to get a better job

My husband refuses to get a better job

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The business of divorce prediction, that is to say, is murky. It has nothing to do with money or whether the wife is working too. This revelation is just one of many to come from the work of Alexandra Killewald. A professor of sociology at Harvard, Killewald takes a statistical approach to inequality in the United States , focusing primarily on the relationships between work, family, and income.

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Unemployed men: how female partners suffer

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Both for me, and for him? I think its the combination of the two issues. If he was just bad at job searching, I could figure out how to best assist him. If he was good with searching but just a crankypants, I could probably manage that as well. Feel for you and your husband. Job searching is so demoralizing. Well crap.

His the submit button. Am recommending that your husband use an agency for the resume work, etc. I would take yourself out of the equation as much as possible. Part of the problem I suspect is the loss of control. Thirding this. I did everything OP did. It was a couple years of having to let go and disengage and not try to snatch the reins from his hands.

You are trying to change him, and fix him, and those are things he alone can do. I recommend marriage therapy to make it clear how big a deal this is.

His choices and his decisions on how he lives his life ultimately affects your willingness to stick around. But maybe divorce! He has to want to change. Marriage counseling is an excellent idea. This is not a work problem but a relationship issue. Seconding all of this. My partner and I have struggled with similar issues before — my chronic illness and his ability to support that long-term, and his lack of motivation around housework and my resentment over having to manage that.

Get counseling sooner rather than later, give yourselves a chance to fix it before the resentment or frustration or whatever else gets so bad the only way to fix it is to leave. Been there, done that, it is not a good situation to be in. How did you go about finding them? I think something similar would be helpful for my husband. So I asked her, sent the link to my husband, and he scheduled the calls. He might have met them once in person, I forget. For most professionals, job searching is a stressful undertaking.

Fears around personal value and rejection surface. Sometimes unresolved anger surfaces regarding the job and job loss. This new narrative is almost never positive. It is this new, negative narrative that drives the job search process, answers interview questions, and keeps job seekers from working their networks. The lack of control when job searching is hugely demoralizing.

No matter how many degrees I get or trainings I take, or how many applications I submit, no one can just snap their fingers and make a new, decent job appear. I think it is important to keep in mind that no matter how educated or experienced your husband is, job searching will still always be difficult. If he realizes that he does want to switch to a different field then he can start to take steps to make that happen.

If he decides he really likes his current field and wants to stay in it, and frequent job searching just comes with the territory, that might help him feel like he has more control and that this is a choice he made, and not a woe-is-me-why does-this-keep-happening-to-me default that removes all sense of agency from him. I think someone who is this thrown by job searching should try to find a field with long-term, maybe even lifetime, jobs. Money skills can be transferred to almost anything — maybe he could work in accounting or finance instead?

Or another approach could be if he decides to work through his issues with this so they no longer bother him and he takes job searching in stride. I switched fields as the job consistence and relative security in my new line of work is worth the sunk costs of my prior career expectations and education. Some people are not happy putting themselves out there. And sometimes stepping up too much holds them back AND makes you more miserable than you have to be. I agree.

Let him handle it and deal with the consequences, even though they bleed over to LW. Especially if he balks at being helped. He sounds immature. Ngl my eye popped reading this response but then seeing some responses, it sounds like others have had bad relationships that taint the POV here. Everything Jadelyn said. We get conditioned to worry about whether the people around us are happy, and to think that if someone is cranky, we need to fix it for them. That is an excellent point. Jadelyn and Specialk9 are right, but…so is Bea.

Kathleen stated it very well. The advice concerning your actual relationship here is, at best, off base. Ahem, ask me how I know. Yes, there are cultural factors that let men get away with not doing it, but they can learn—and those are skills that benefit everyone to have. I think we may just have to agree to disagree. So why make assumptions when we have so little data?

To me, based on what little we know here, that seems like a gigantic jump to the Island of Conclusions. Or so it seems to me, but hey, YMMV. I totally agree about the part about the man or woman not actually wanting the emotional labor. Being frustrated for a few weeks every years is fairly normal human behavior. Thank you for pointing this out!!! The thing is, there are lots of bad career counselors out there.

Oh, well, I was counting on OP doing a little research before just, like, throwing a dart at the Yellow Pages. Thanks for the clarification. I just wanted the OP to be aware that all career counselors are not alike. This is my thought too. OP, I think you need to focus on what you can control instead. You can refuse to tolerate him taking out his negative emotions on you—tell him to cut it out, leave the room, take yourself on a weekend away if necessary. You can manage whatever stress you might feel around his continued unemployment, e.

He works in an industry where about 5 months out of the year his hours are insane 12 hour days, days a week with a vacation blackout the whole 5 months. The first few years in his current job he would complain and moan incessantly during the busy season.

He told me he was too busy to job search during the busy season but would do so as soon as it slowed down. It slowed down and he just flat out refused to job search for 2 years due to lack of motivation, laziness, imposter syndrome, and always forgetting how bad he actually hated the job during the busy season. So I looked online and forwarded him tons of listings that he was qualified for. I even offered to apply for the jobs for him, and he was adamant that I would NOT do that.

I recommended he see a therapist, career counselor, or a job recruiter. He refused. He said he wanted to leave the industry all-together and try something new, but refused to pinpoint what he wanted to try or how he would try it. I spent so much time and emotionally energy on him and I was SO incredibly frustrated with him. It was honestly a breaking point where I considered leaving.

I was understanding enough to expect less of him in regards to childcare and housework, but refused to put up with him not doing the limited amount I asked of him. Instead of me taking every sick day with our young kids during the busy season, I demanded that he work from home and alternate taking sick days. Nothing about him has changed, but how I decided to handle the situation drastically has. Are you able to talk to him about it?

How much of this attitude are you willing to accept from him? How many times are you willing to wait through these different job searches? My partner is a lower-key version of this. I am trying to get through to him that he needs to either come to peace with the low pay and hustle, or finally decide this industry is not worth the hassle and move on. Hit send too soon! If anyone knows the magic words to get someone to make this call, please share.

I would feel very disturbed if my partner lied to me like this. This seems like a not great way to offer support. The thing is, being the still-employed partner in this situation is also stressful. Yes this. His mom found herself divorced at 50 with no work history, so he is acutely aware as to what happens in that situation.

My Husband Claims His Job is Beneath Him

I always look at the situation a bit confused and I have to occasionally ask her what is keeping her around. I get it. But, something about the thought of a man who refuses to assist in financially supporting his family leaves me somewhat perplexed. I realize that in most wedding vows the couple promises to stick together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, but most brides would imagine that this is in reference to unforeseen and unfortunate events such as sickness, a lay-off, etc.

Recently, my colleagues had a discussion about a trend in couples that we have observed where one partner refuses to get a job to support the household or have a stable employment. Here are some reasons why people choose to stay with a partner who refuses to work.

But it is not at all obvious. The results I see are husbands starting businesses, or growing their businesses, and getting promotions—three in one year, sometimes——or winning sales contests and getting raises. And it was all because their wives took this scary, but enormously gratifying, approach. In fact, just like jealousy, it has the opposite effect, which I explain here.

When Husbands Don’t Work, Marriages Fall Apart

My husband and I are not getting along. He has been unemployed for almost a year and finally!!!! While it is in his line of work, it is not at the seniority level or salary that he had before. He is having a very hard time coming to terms with this. He feels that it is "beneath him. He just complains, and last night he told me that he was thinking about quitting. I am ready to go through the roof!

My Husband Does Not Make Enough Money

In reality, about a third do, down from the divorce surge of the s and s, though second and third marriages are much more vulnerable. Recent marriages are doing particularly well thus far: Just 15 percent of the Americans who tied the knot since have decided to get it undone within the first eight years of marriage. The predictors of divorce, however, remain mysterious. But in a new study published in the American Sociological Review , Harvard sociologist Alexandra Achen Killewald has found that the things that increase the probability of divorce — as they relate to work, at least — have changed over the past couple decades. The data set is enviably large.

I have been working since my now-husband and I have been together.

Both for me, and for him? I think its the combination of the two issues. If he was just bad at job searching, I could figure out how to best assist him.

A letter to … my wife, who won’t get a job while I work myself to death

My husband is a wonderful man in so many areas and we have a generally happy and loving relationship. He told me a year and a half ago that he wants to get a new job. He continually talks about how he wants to leave and get a better job, but does nothing about it!

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You were radiant in a sea of dour, nervous faces. It quickly became clear that you were kind, down-to-earth, engaging, loyal to family and friends. By graduation, we were inseparable. We took the bar exam and were married. The future looked bright — two freshly minted lawyers with supportive families and a dream of starting a family of our own some day. I started my career with the gruelling hours and high stress that are traditionally visited on young lawyers.

Husband Wants a Better Job But Does Nothing About It

Long-term unemployment can be a debilitating experience, made worse by the self-loathing that compounds the problem. But while the consequences for those unemployed are well documented, there's another casualty whose suffering is less frequently considered: the spouse. In an attempt to help their partners through what is a tumultuous time, these women endure substantial turmoil themselves. The impact of male unemployement affects female partners too. Credit: Fairfax. A study published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family provides a step towards understanding their emotions. The researcher conducted extensive interviews with husbands who lost their jobs and their wives who picked up the pieces.

Oct 10, - My husband said to me point blank the other day, after we discussed the to our financial problems would be for him to simply get a better paying job. I know moving elsewhere would not be this way, but he doesn't want to.


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Comments: 3
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